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XX in Aikido by Maria Hazen "Aren't you intimidated, being the only girl on the mat?" I looked around the dojo, familiar for several months, and suddenly realized that women were in the minority. I had been classifying people according to whether they knew more or less than I knew, whether they moved loosely or stiffly, quickly or slowly, and whether their katatetori grip would leave a bruise. It had never occurred to me to separate the people I trained with as "men" or "women" -- they were people! Traditionally, I've shied away from a feminist focus. Inwardly, I shrugged off as perhaps unnecessary the books and seminars especially for women in aikido. "Yeah we're built differently from men, get over it!" I thought. If we women exclude half the world in order to find ourselves, how will we know how to operate when we have to work, play, and live with the other half? But suddenly I became sensitive to how things might appear to walk-in observers: a woman being tossed or pinned down by a man. I took care to smile at my partner, land lightly, and get up sprightly, letting any on-looker know that I was not hurt or afraid, and that this was all part of an elaborate exercise, a dance of sorts. As uke, if the situation warranted, I'd put up some resistance, perhaps popping a fist towards the face, as much to reveal an opening as show that I have some idea of what is going on and have my own mind about what will go down. I had my first experience of XX chromosome aikido this past summer, a year and a half into training. Five women from this dojo packed up to the Islands one Sunday morning, pounding the velcro stick of the mats together on a fairly flat piece of lawn facing Lake Champlain. We were going to do an aikido demonstration for a YMCA women's fitness retreat. At first I thought most of the excitement was from being able to train outside with such a beautiful view. But the excitement was really the sense of relaxing, of not worrying on any level how we looked or acted. There would be no one to dismiss our silliness or seriousness as "Oh it's a woman thing," but everyone to acknowledge each moment as a moment, for whatever words or actions or thoughts or nothings that occurred. There was an incredible energy in the air that sparkling August day, and we women just moved in it, with the beautiful, graceful, and strong movements of the art of aikido. Yes, we belong here, and so do men on most days. Differences augment the whole, but the retreat -- just to hang with the girls -- was a gift. I hope men have as much fun when we are not around. So, no, I am not intimidated being the only woman on the mat. O na gai shimasu!