Remembering Paul Sylvain Sensei
by Benjamin Pincus
My teacher Paul Sylvain Sensei died in an automobile crash with
his two year old daughter, Chloe, five years ago on Memorial Day weekend. His van
hit a concrete bridge abutment at high speed just when his life seemed so clear: he
had a new dojo, a loving wife and three beautiful children. He died in
flames, which adds to the myth when I recall his fiery focus and intensity. But more
than that, I remember someone who transformed my life, who had a heart (and
forearms) so big that sometimes, when he made himself vulnerable, it seemed like he
could embrace the universe.
He was a great man made human by
his contradictions: a graceful weightlifter and ex-football player who believed that
he was clumsy, a Buddhist scholar turned dad and aikido Sensei. He loved sports,
especially basketball, yet spoke passionately about politics and the poetry of
William Blake. He was so clear and definite on the mat, but hid his shyness and
fear behind a cold-eyed stare, especially around people he did not trust.
He was possibly the first official American Aikido Shihan (awarded
posthumously) and 6th dan in aikido, and Shihan and 7th dan in
Muso Shinden Ryu iaido. He had so many accomplishments, a big, arrogant man
who often felt small and inadequate.
At first, I found these contradictions and his arrogance difficult to swallow,
and I almost left his dojo. But over the years I learned to love him with
dedication and a deep sense of trust. He was a great teacher because of his
contradictions, and his ability to create a wonderful aikido community precisely
because he needed this stability. I miss grabbing his giant wrists, his technical
precision, and his fire. But most importantly, I miss his presence and his ability
to transmit his vision of aikido with humor, love and grace. I wrote the following
article shortly after he died. I could think of so many things to say about Sylvain
Sensei five years after the accident, yet this piece was directly from my heart, and
that is perhaps the most important thing. Benjamin Pincus, 2001
What they undertook to do
They brought to pass;
All things hang like a drop of dew
Upon a blade of grass.
W.B. Yeats, "Gratitude to the Unknown Instructors"
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I began training with Paul in 1987, and continued to practice at Valley Aikido
for the next five years. Paul's technique, refined over years of training and
instruction, was inspiring; I recall my surprise that such a large, powerful man
could move so lightly.
An excellent teacher, Paul knew how to challenge his students, always encouraging
change and refinement. Yet he rarely praised us, concealing compliments in wordplay
that blended approbation with disapproval. He would say, with characteristic irony,
things like, "You move like me; the only problem is you are not big
enough," or, during a particularly frustrating bokken, class, "You
practice weapons the way you drive a car."
Paul was fond of stating that some of his best (and worst) students came out of
Hampshire College, my alma mater. With direct approval so rare, I recklessly
assumed that he was acknowledging my progress.
He also was an excellent cook. I recall thinking about food while painting his
house in Belchertown in the morning sunlight. I paused on the ladder, wiping the
sweat from my brow and Paul called for a lunch break. We ate countless dishes of
pickled radish and ginger, scallions, sauteed mushrooms, and soba noodles.
"Slurp louder," he urged, demonstrating his skill with a particularly
fierce intake of noodles, broth and air. In Japan, slurping is a sign of sincere
appreciation and hearty appetite. Eating, he implied, should be a manifestation of
our awareness.
Perhaps this was my most important lesson: that training, even during ordinary
moments, never ceased. During my years with Paul, I realized that aikido was not
simply reducible to technical prowess. Instead it is about how to become a student;
how to become receptive, sensitive, and open to new challenges and experiences.
In the Japanese martial tradition, the sword embodies both the capacity to take
life satsujinken and give life katsujinken. I
think that Paul's ability to blend these two elements and his commitment to aikido
is what made him such a wonderful and difficult teacher.
Two memories of Paul illuminate this notion of taking and giving life. I recall
the time he applied nikkyo. I had only recently joined the dojo, and
I already thought I knew something about aikido. I resisted, and he glared at
me.
"I could break your wrist like a twig," he said. Training with Paul
was always intense; he was powerful and intimidating, and there was always an
element of sharpness, of danger.
Yet I always felt safe. He recognized my emotional and physical limits and I rose
from the floor with a sense of strength coupled with lightness, a defiance of
gravity. This feeling reflected the other side of Paul: his ability to wrestle with
private demons and contradiction within himself and still transmit joyful energy;
his integrity, humor, and love of his students and children. He played with his
children with an incredible sense of joy, as if he wanted to give them the love and
lightness that he never had for himself as a child.
My final memory of Paul captures some of this softness. I was about to leave for
India, and wanted to stay in touch. After class, I said goodbye and gave him a
gallon of Vermont maple syrup.
"The kids will love it," he said, and quickly, almost shyly, received
the container. And then, in the silence of his office, he gave me a sudden hug,
something he rarely did. I felt off-balance, surprised, and pleased.
"Take care," he said, and that was the last time I saw him.
I think about Paul often. Especially during quiet, reflective moments: in the
flat light of early morning, or in the kitchen at sunset. I prepare soba; I
smell ginger and sesame oil and gaze past steam rising in the air. It is so green
outside, so alive; lilacs are in bloom, and the recent rains imbue the grass with a
diamond-like clarity. I take all of this in and swallow hot noodles, slurping as
loudly as possible.
"Domo Arigato Gozaimashita, Sensei."
Thank you with all my heart, Paul, for everything you have taught me.
Benjamin Pincus
June 15, 1996
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